Wednesday, May 1, 2013

When priorities kick your plans around

I had to cancel Lunch at Angie's today. It's the third time this semester: once for weather, and another time because of one of my kids being ill. Today my middle child is sick, and yesterday was miserable. I stopped cleaning house to get my daughter because she wasn't feeling well. I settled her at home with a movie, then I picked up my youngest and bought some groceries. My sick one kept wanting my attention; she seemed to be feeling more and more miserable, and finally at 6:00pm, she asked if she could go to the doctor.

"Great," I thought. "I'm never going to get the house clean for the lunch." And I became more and more stressed. My girl is in a serious study at school that requires a certain number of hours from her, and not until 10:00pm did she decide she needed to stay home.

I don't know if these situations stress you or not. I think one of the reasons that God gave me my best friend is because she tends to cancel. We've been friends for decades, and many times I have gotten a last minute call from her saying she can't come, usually a family reason but sometimes her own well-being. Every time, it strikes me as unusual: she's putting her family's needs above a commitment? Her own health above her plans? I hate doing that. I like to be SuperAngie, never slowed down by the ordinary of life, always able to DO IT ALL.

However, I have said to my best friend, over and over, "You are such a great example to the rest of us." To say NO in order to be healthy, to make family a priority. It seems to be an example our culture needs. I know that I need to see it. But when I have to make the choice, it's much harder. Do I want to be a great example of making right choices, or SuperAngie? Dang it, I want to be SuperAngie.

I NEVER want to disappoint people. My mentor once told me, "Priorities are vertical, not horizontal." We think we can do everything, but if we strive to do it all, we are placing everything on the same plane. If we have priorities, then some things, some people, have to get our vote when life squeezes us. And make no mistake: life will squeeze you. In fact, God set it up that way so that you can see what your priorities are. Sometimes, squeeze situations tick me off because they show me how poorly my priorities are set. I don't think SuperAngie should have to put up her cape and nurse a child.

Ironically, I was going to talk with our group today about The Beauty of Motherhood. Well, here it is. At one point yesterday, I told my sick child, "You have to choose to take care of yourself. You can't just keep going [due to the pressures you feel from people around you]." Hello! Were you listening, Angie? (Angie drapes herself in her cape and stalks away.)

Here's how you make these choices: look to God. Stop looking at the people that you feel are depending on you. You are not called to respond to the needs of people. The gospels say that Jesus did not trust himself to people, because He knew their hearts (John 2:24). We are supposed to trust ourselves to God, and prayer is trusting those around us to His care as well. Jesus withdrew from the crowds and spent time alone. I guarantee you, I am under the dictation of people/expectations more than God, because I do not withdraw as He did.

I have had times in my life when I followed my priorities a little better, with a little more grace. Today's just not that day, and yet, I'm still choosing to be mommy. Not The Beautiful Amazing Mommy. Just ordinary. The solution today is not to tell myself, "Read your Bible more. Pray more. Be stronger." Today, I simply need His strength. Today, I am weak; I need Him.

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