Bad people

Are there bad people in the world? I have talked before about how my worldview has changed in the last year to include Three types of people. Lately, I have been reading a book called The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. Dr. Stout claims that one in twenty-five Americans is a sociopath, a clinical term that she characterizes as a lack of conscience. Basically, without a conscience, these people are motivated more by playing a game, by winning in social situations, than by attachment.

Rarely do I say that a book is a "must read," but this one is. You will encounter a sociopath in your lifetime, and if you are kind or hold to high values, you will likely end up as a target of their bad behavior. Be alert. Be on your guard.

Jesus tells us, "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16). Wolves are around us; we are a natural target. Jesus knows we are in danger, and he warns us: be innocent, yes. But be wise. Be informed. Don't be trusting of everyone, because some of them are dangerous.

If you have had a painful encounter with someone, borrow this book from me. You might see yourself, or the person who hurt you, in the stories, and I promise, this perspective will be liberating. Very often, when you accuse a sociopath or take a stand against the person's behavior, you find people around you critical because you are being difficult. You won't just get along; you are allowing strife and unforgiveness into the relationship.

Dr. Stout is not a believer, but her advice is echoed in the Bible, even though she herself doesn't understand it (when she describes religious thinking). Her main point, that a sociopath has no conscience, is echoed in 1 Timothy 4:1-2: "The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron."

And her advice to avoid this person--unusual advice for a psychologist, who normally recommends working things out in the relationship--is again mentioned in Scripture. 2 Timothy 3:5 tells us that there are some people we should simply stay away from (and verses 1-9 are a great description of dangerous people).

The other thing I really liked about Stout's book was her assurance that the average person doesn't like to think this way. We like to think the best of others. We ascribe motives to people that reflect our own, and we also assume others feel guilt in the way that we do. Not the case with sociopaths, but it sounds awful to make such accusations. She says again and again that it is right to trust your instincts; believe what seems incredulous, or you will get hurt. And people around you will call you callous and misjudge your motives.

I often counsel friends, and this book gave me a new awareness of when it is okay to say, "Stay away." You still have to seek healing from God when you've been hurt. You can't hold on to bitterness and anger, but you do not have to believe the best about everyone. In fact, you have to struggle a bit against our culture just to believe the Bible: there are bad people. Be aware; stay away.