Fixing things

It's December, the month when the semester winds down and holidays ramp up. This year, my oldest has been prepping for the ACT, and we're looking at colleges and trying to think beyond high school. There are extra social events, the pressure of gift giving--ya know, I'm not all that great at giving gifts. I want my family to be surprised and yet have just what they want, and I end up jumping through a lot of emotional hoops to try to make that happen. Cards to mail, things to bake.

But December isn't the only time that things get off-kilter. The pressure of the holidays is a cauldron for growth, to be sure, but I think today I'm experiencing the same kind of "off" that plagues me year round. I'm blogging in order to review my prescription. I know these things, but I forget.

When I am emotionally unbalanced, I need to spend some time planning. I need to look at the calendar. List out our menus for the next few days. Look at the budget. Make out my shopping list. Basically, I have to orient myself to the big picture, so that the sense of "There are things to do!!!" doesn't swarm me like killer horse flies.

I need to stay home, light a candle, and put away the groceries that I just left out two days ago. Go through the mail. Hang up the clothes I've been throwing over the chair. Or I need to get out of the house, buy a cup of coffee, and knock out all those little tasks that have been building up: paper recycling, books to the library, deposits to the bank, two items from Lowe's, returns to Walmart.

And the other thing I need is time with God. Just sit down. Read my Bible. Journal a little. Pray. Do you have that one routine that draws you to Him? I have been journaling and reading my Bible for years...not a ritualistic daily thing, but certainly a habit. And now that habit feeds me. What are your spiritual habits that pull you under His wing? Do that. If you don't have one, start one. A habit is built of a hundred small choices. Whether you're making the choice for the third time or the 63rd, make it.

Yesterday, my husband and I went out on a date, first time in a while because eating out just kills my attempt to lose weight. And I watched several episodes of Psych with my daughter. I've been honestly trying to rest all week, and yesterday I was tired of trying. I wanted to feel fixed. Now. I got so mad that I wasn't feeling better, more centered, that I was quite unpleasant with my children. (So sorry, kids. I really love you. You are close enough to me to get my warts...that's the way it is.)

Today my goal is not to fix things. Today, I'm just going to try, to make healthy choices and duck the arrows of Expectations that get shot at me. No matter how I feel, I'm going to plod along, trying.

And you guessed it: today is indeed a better day. As if I made room for God, the great Fixer of Things. Or a better title, the Lover of my soul.