Fixing things

It's December, the month when the semester winds down and holidays ramp up. This year, my oldest has been prepping for the ACT, and we're looking at colleges and trying to think beyond high school. There are extra social events, the pressure of gift giving--ya know, I'm not all that great at giving gifts. I want my family to be surprised and yet have just what they want, and I end up jumping through a lot of emotional hoops to try to make that happen. Cards to mail, things to bake.

But December isn't the only time that things get off-kilter. The pressure of the holidays is a cauldron for growth, to be sure, but I think today I'm experiencing the same kind of "off" that plagues me year round. I'm blogging in order to review my prescription. I know these things, but I forget.

When I am emotionally unbalanced, I need to spend some time planning. I need to look at the calendar. List out our menus for the next few days. Look at the budget. Make out my shopping list. Basically, I have to orient myself to the big picture, so that the sense of "There are things to do!!!" doesn't swarm me like killer horse flies.

I need to stay home, light a candle, and put away the groceries that I just left out two days ago. Go through the mail. Hang up the clothes I've been throwing over the chair. Or I need to get out of the house, buy a cup of coffee, and knock out all those little tasks that have been building up: paper recycling, books to the library, deposits to the bank, two items from Lowe's, returns to Walmart.

And the other thing I need is time with God. Just sit down. Read my Bible. Journal a little. Pray. Do you have that one routine that draws you to Him? I have been journaling and reading my Bible for years...not a ritualistic daily thing, but certainly a habit. And now that habit feeds me. What are your spiritual habits that pull you under His wing? Do that. If you don't have one, start one. A habit is built of a hundred small choices. Whether you're making the choice for the third time or the 63rd, make it.

Yesterday, my husband and I went out on a date, first time in a while because eating out just kills my attempt to lose weight. And I watched several episodes of Psych with my daughter. I've been honestly trying to rest all week, and yesterday I was tired of trying. I wanted to feel fixed. Now. I got so mad that I wasn't feeling better, more centered, that I was quite unpleasant with my children. (So sorry, kids. I really love you. You are close enough to me to get my warts...that's the way it is.)

Today my goal is not to fix things. Today, I'm just going to try, to make healthy choices and duck the arrows of Expectations that get shot at me. No matter how I feel, I'm going to plod along, trying.

And you guessed it: today is indeed a better day. As if I made room for God, the great Fixer of Things. Or a better title, the Lover of my soul.

Holiday survival guide

Mary and Martha. It's funny how a story that is meant to de-stress us sometimes has the opposite effect. Martha-types (I probably should have said "We Martha-types," but I'm giving myself a break) sometimes hear, "Do everything AND be remarkably peaceful and calm in the midst of it." If Martha just hadn't complained to Jesus, then she wouldn't have been rebuked, right? So what we should do is bake three pies, roast the turkey with that new recipe and some new vegetables but still make the old vegetables because someone is going to gripe if we don't and have both whole cranberry sauce and the newer cranberry relish and let's all work at John 3:16 after we eat this meal except I'm so exhausted I wish you'd all just go home and take my kids with you.

I mean, I'm so glad you're here, I am full of the joy of the Lord. (I can write a Christmas version of that later if you don't have one yourself.)

If you haven't read the story in a while, it's pretty short:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

Notice that the Bible says that the Lord answered her. Not some guy, but the Lord. The one in charge. Martha, Martha, you are not your own. And you've gotten distracted, dear one.

In the parable of the sower, some seed fell among thorns. Jesus explained the meaning of this parable to His disciples: "The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful" (Matthew 13:22).

The worries of this life choke out our concern for God. The wealth and blessings we have deceive us; they choke out our desire to sit and hear Him. And then we are unfruitful.

You are not in control this holiday season. You don't have to do anything. Sit, and listen to the Father. Everything He has given you--your home, your talent, your abilities, your time, your money--is intended to bless, to build up His kingdom. It is not for you to manage, and you can't make His work happen. So sit and listen, then get up and do.

Mary, the one who sat listening, was offensive to her sister. This call, to belong to Him, isn't always comfortable. Did Mary blush when Martha complained to Jesus? Martha complained to Jesus, who was sitting in their home! Has anyone prayed against you specifically at the Thanksgiving table? "Lord, bless this food, even though Sally didn't lift a hand to help in the kitchen."

His peace is a greater reward than any praise you might forfeit. His call is our only desire.

Speeding along

What is your natural speed? I'm a 65mph kinda girl. I like life fast, a little hectic even. My husband says, "You're only happy when you have too much to do." A bit embarrassing, but I think he's right.

Last week, I dialed down to 35mph. I couldn't "do nothing" because I'm a mom. I still had to homeschool, drive the kids around, feed everybody, make coffee. But I needed some space to breathe, so I chose a slower pace.

I think we often feel like there is a posted speed limit, and we're not doing it. Either we're going too slow (everyone else is doing more than I am!) or we're not going slow enough (everyone else has margin in their life!). Maybe God doesn't have a standard speed that He's measuring us by. Maybe our eyes shouldn't be on a white sign off to the side somewhere, but up. Are we obeying Him? He ordained a "time for everything under the sun" (Ecclisiastes 3). Sometimes rest, sometimes chaos, sometimes laughter, sometimes mourning. Wherever you are now, are you there with God?

Isaiah 40 says that those who wait on the Lord "will soar with wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not grow faint." Sometimes in life we run; sometimes we walk. Either way, the Lord is able to sustain us. There is not a judgement on which you should be doing. The first part of that verse says, "They will soar with wings like eagles." Because we know Jesus, we can be lifted up above our circumstances. We don't always remember that, but we have an access to the clouds because of Him. Perhaps you need to take a deep breath and beat your way up to the air currents for a bit.

In Philippians, Paul wrote that he had learned to be content with plenty and with little (chapter 4). The verse applies to finances, but it can just as easily apply to time, the currency of choice in today's suburban lifestyle. Paul was content in any circumstance because he knew that Christ could give him strength.

You only need to ask yourself one question: can you see the face of God? If you can see Him, chances are, the cry of your heart is answered. If you can see Him, you can sense His peace, His joy, His provision...that thing that you are needing. There is no "right" way that you should be doing your life. Look at Him; are you pleasing Him? Then you're okay.

Be awake, but not alone

It is not easy to live awake. There are so many options for checking out, whether substances, entertainment, or just emotional distance and distraction. So if you're living with sadness, worry, or anger today, know that you are at least engaged. Be awake to the problems in your life, and move towards a solution.

However, you don't have to face anything alone. Jesus said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." He said, "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Jesus is not encouraging us to check out, to live as if we have no problems. He is telling us to give them over to Him, and He will pull with us. With Him, it is not so heavy to carry those emotions and trials.

Please realize, today I am clearly speaking to myself. Do not imagine me happy and content, typing away some advice that I am not in need of. As I was driving home to teach this morning, having dropped off each younger daughter, I was working these truths out like a butterfly battling out of my coccoon. It's okay to be tired, Angie, when you are working out tough things. Oh, and guess what, Angie? You can take these burdens to God, and He will genuinely help you.

It is so easy to forget.

Joystealers

I collect pictures, whether photographs or sketches or those made of words, because they help me settle and focus who I am. Sometimes a single word resonates with me so clearly that it doesn't need explanation. At a small homeschooling conference years ago, a speaker addressed the topic of "joystealers," and that word has magnified over my life, a word I hung in the hallway of my mind.

She spoke of how little things will crowd out our joy. When you can see the top of a lamp every time you walk down the stairs, and that little screwy thing is missing, and it just drives you nuts...that's a joystealer. When the handle on the bottom drawer of your dresser is loose or the a lightbulb is burned out in the dining room fixture, right over the guest chair. These little things eat at you because they declare, "Something isn't right!" and just nibble away at your joy. She recommended some Saturday, after a morning cup of coffee, just fix three of those pesky things. Then, each time you pass that lamp or open that drawer, you'll feel a zing of happiness instead of the crunch of annoyance. (Thank you, Linda Duntley.)

The concept of joystealers expanded for me when I noticed another pattern. Sometimes I get so busy running the kids around, attacking what needs to be done in the day, that I lose my bearings. Where am I in my budget? Where am I in my calendar? Have I planned and shopped for any meals this week at all? As a homeschooler, my lesson plans can escape me, leaving me without the oxygen of joy. When my joy has leaked out and left me gasping, I remember to look at the bigger picture, to restore my bearings and recapture my joy.

Tackling the little things, restoring the big picture...these are important and useful. But ultimately, our joy comes from connecting with our Father. His plan for our life is perfect and meaningful. He is our oxygen. You don't have to be in control, you don't have to DO anything to draw on His strength, but you do have to be purposeful. You have to choose to draw near, to quiet everything else and connect with Him. Listen to these two Bible verses about joy: "Consider it pure joy when you encounter trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops pereseverance, and perseverance must finish its work so that you will be mature and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4). And, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God the Father" (Hebrews 12:2). In neither of these verses does joy sound like a result of happy circumstances. Neither depict you bringing order and control to your life in order to have joy. Joy comes from walking out what the Father wants for us, a sense of His purpose and goodness over all of our mess.

No matter how chaotic things are around you, no matter how many things are falling apart, you can always climb up in your Father's lap, feel His arms around you, and nurture the joy that flows from His goodness over your feeble heart.