The flawed leader

Recently, I was talking with a friend about a great tidbit of wisdom from one of my mentors in ministry, about the importance of character in both the private and public eye. My mentor, it turned out, at the time of the advice, was involved in some serious character issues--hence in my telling, I was highlighting the hypocrisy and expressing my frustration. My friend commented, "Yes, but as a leader, I have given advice that I'm not living out. I don't always walk the truth, even if I know it."

My friend's comment helped me settle the struggle I was having; it served a purpose for me. And yes, we do often know what to do and not be doing it, and there are times we must share a truth we are personally struggling with. I know one time, the Lord brought someone across my path, and as I gave her Wise Counsel from my Knowledge of the Truth, my own words became a lecture to myself, as if the Lord were clearing His throat in my ear during the entire conversation. He was probably pointing at me sideways too, if anyone happened to be watching. While wearing an "I'm with Stupid" shirt. Okay, maybe it just felt like that.

This leads me to two thoughts. First of all, many of the leaders in churches I'm involved in have small children (or no children). The Bible says that our elders should have children who obey them, because they manage their households well. Their children should be believers. Some leaders are off the hook, because at when your kids are age two, they almost all look like they follow Jesus. They at least sing the songs pretty loud. With a child age fifteen, more parents struggle.

I tend to gravitate toward naturally dynamic people who lead in the church regardless of elder qualifications. Like most of the youth pastors I know. The good parents I know wouldn't be as much fun to follow, if they were the leaders. And yet...maybe I should be following the people who have managed to raise their kids well. Just because you can throw a good party and engage my kids in great relay games doesn't mean you are setting an example for a godly family. I wonder what THAT youth program would look like, the one run by successful, grace-filled parents. I bet they'd have more meetings with the parents, and we wouldn't have to drink a blended Happy Meal.

Secondly, I wonder if it's not appropriate, more often than we think, to share our struggles, even when we're leaders. I've been leading a Bible study, and one night I complained to my husband how hypocritical I felt. I'm not a teacher, I told him...I just want to read the Bible with these women. That conversation led to a change in the format of our study that has richly blessed me. I didn't confess in front of the group, but the honest confession, even in private, helped propel me to something more genuine.

Today during our study, I confessed wildly and freely how anxious I have been, especially as a parent, and the women in our group encouraged me to apply God's truth (Philippians 4:6-7). Instead of me exhorting the group to be thankful and trust God with their situation, I let my own bad example hang out, and they laughed and corrected me. That's good stuff right there. It's good for me to not always be the Wisest Person in the Room, and it is good for them to apply the Scripture to me in an honest environment.

I don't have any great conclusion about being a flawed human and being a leader. Do you have any thoughts?