Sunday, March 10, 2013

Invest in friends

Life is meaningful because of our relationships. At the end of the day, this is all that matters: the people you've loved, the people you've hurt, the wrongs you've righted, the good memories you've made.

We focus a lot in conservative Christian circles on family, and family is important. The Bible says that if you don't take care of your family, you're worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). That said, many family relationships in the Bible were not strong and uplifting: Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers, etc. Even Jesus was told by His family that He was crazy (Mark 3:21). They tried to take Him home because He was doing such ridiculous things...not particularly supportive of His Messianic ministry, would you say?

Sometimes we get so focused on our families, especially stay-at-home moms, that we forget the value of friends. Proverbs tells us that it is better to go to a neighbor nearby in a time of crisis than a relative far away (Proverbs 27:10). Relatives can be great, but friends can be invaluable. The Bible tells all sorts of positive stories about friendships. David had six brothers, yet his best friend, Jonathan, was the son of his enemy. Ruth chose to leave her family to be with her mother-in-law, because she wanted to claim the same God that Naomi served.

And when Jesus was told His family wanted to see Him, "He looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, 'Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother'" (Mark 3:34-35). Jesus was not rejecting natural family ties: He asked the apostle John to care for His earthly mother while He was dying on the cross. Yet He did value those who walked with Him in life's journey, and those were not always natural bonds.

Your life will be greatly enriched by friends. Here are some suggestions to finding that connection:

* Let God help you choose. If you set your desire to have a friend before your Father, you will be surprised how quickly He will place people in front of you.

* Make the effort. You will likely have to step outside of your comfort zone to make a connection with someone. It is worthwhile. It is also important to set aside time for friends, whether you make a phone call or set a regular night out or play date. Habits are powerful, and if you value friendships, you should make them a habit. My best friend and I have met at Panera at 7am for years and years. It works with our families, and we are much saner because of it. People say, "7am? Are you crazy?" And we reply, "We're just that desperate."

* Walk alongside. My best friend and I began our relationship with our first pregnancies. It was sometimes rocky at first, but we had new motherhood in common, and it was easy to just hang out at each other's houses. We were in a similar stage of life, so our days could mesh well.

* Avoid "I'm okay." If you want a friend to share your heart and walk through life with, don't be okay all the time. The okay parts of our lives certainly exist, but it's not where we need help. My best friend has helped me be a better mother, wife, daughter, and Christian...but not because I only showed her my happy side. Here are some safe phrases to lead you into real conversation: "I need to think something through." "Can I say something out loud, just to get it off my chest?" "I need help with ____." I find it very helpful to talk to my friend about all my crazy ideas, and then the real issue will rise to the top, and it's more manageable than if I just leave the chaos in my head.

In a time of trouble, it is good to go to a neighbor rather than a relative far away. One who will pull up a lawnchair for you, hand you a popsicle while the kids play in the sprinkler, and listen to you babble out all your crazy thoughts. May the good Lord bless you with a friend.

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