Diminishing

My last blog kind of bothered me. When writing, one likes to create a certain shape, an aesthetic that is appealing. One crafts words. That said, I wondered about how easy it is to diminish oneself. I was listening to a woman teach the other day, and she commented that something she had done was stupid...hm, those aren't her exact words. I can't remember them, but the idea was that she was somehow bad for making an error. And my thought was that in diminishing herself, she diminished her students' ability to learn. Or rather, what students learn, from authorities who lack confidence, is to lack confidence themselves. Remember the research done on children, how every child thinks he or she can draw until they have been in school a certain number of years, and then most are convinced that they can't...We lose our freedom to BE, to be something, if we feel we must be the best or perfect all the time.

So while I love my iceberg lettuce imagery, I must admit that I'm deeper with God than 10%. I'm not 90% below the surface--I like to talk way too much to achieve that. Maybe someday, as God becomes more satisfying and fulfilling and rich to me. I know for certain that I walk deeper with Him now than I used to. That's encouraging, isn't it? And my walk with God is not steady improvement. It comes in fits and spurts, perhaps less fitty & spurty as I grow, but never a steady curve of improvement.

Sometimes when I am listening to Christian music and it is heavy into angst--why can't I love God well, why will I never follow Him like I should--I wonder about the derth of songs that express confidence. It is certainly okay to have doubts, but isn't there something else? I like Paul's confidence in his epistles. I like to think that someday I could write to my friends with that same confidence. Paul was the New Testament writer who said, "Imitate me." That's pretty good living, to feel confident in your faith and your humility enough to put yourself on display.

Isaiah 30:15 says, "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." First learn to find a place of quietness. Then let our Lord feed your confidence. These things become our strength. The entire verse is worth meditating on...you should look it up. :)