Being depressed

On Facebook, it's very easy to post a status based on emotion: really happy, really angry, sometimes overwhelmed or sad. People usually comment in kind, responding to the emotion of the post. I'm about to talk about something, not because I'm feeling emotional and need comfort. I want to share my thinking with you.

This January, I have struggled with being depressed. Depression can come from sinful choices or bad circumstances, and it can be oppressive and bad. I know exactly why I'm depressed: it's part of a grieving process. And because my sadness is part of healing, it is not bad. It's just sad.

It is easy, living in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in my very Christian culture, to believe that being sad is wrong. I feel that way sometimes, and it usually makes the sadness worse: I feel depressed and angry about feeling depressed. In my anger, I think that if I can just cheer up, then I'll be okay, and when my heart doesn't cheer, it fuels my anger. This isn't a good pattern for me.

What has helped has been to admit that I'm sad. Mornings can be very hard, because there are deadlines and sometimes stress. In the morning, I usually sit down with my Bible, or my husband asks innocently, "How are you doing?" If I start analyzing, I can get really bummed. Another morning, and I'm still down. Great. Another day wasted.

But my sad days aren't really wasted. It is right to be sad over some things. When Mary and Martha begged Jesus to come heal their brother, He delayed, and Lazarus died. Jesus knew He was going to raise the man from the dead, and yet He wept when Mary fell at His feet crying. Jesus bothered to be sad, even when (from our perspective) it wasn't necessary.

What has been liberating for me is simply to confess (to my husband, my wonderful network of support) that I am depressed. These sad feelings don't define who I am (a beloved child of the King!), but they are real. I'm good at glossing over things, which is really just a form of lying. Telling the truth is a foundation for healing.

Here are a few things I've observed.

On days when I'm struggling, I know that in my sadness, it would be easier to believe things that aren't true, so I guard my thinking. I know I am susceptible, and so I am hesitant to embrace every thought in my head. I am eager to confess Scripture.

Healing takes energy, emotional energy. Some days I don't accomplish as much as I think I should. Some days I don't feel like dealing with people, whether it's calling about a problem with our cell phone or picking up when a friend calls. That's okay.

I don't let my sadness dominate my relationship with my children (which is where a lot of my energy goes). I often expect my youngest to be mature and understanding of a situation (because she is mature and understanding) but there are honestly times when I just need to be the grownup. It's important, it's a small window, and with the Lord's help, I can be faithful to be the mom I need to be.

It is also important for me not to get too isolated. I attend church. I make the effort to talk with people, sometimes when I don't feel like it, because I know I am prone to spiral into miry places. I am often honest about how I'm feeling, because real connections with people are healthy, and superficial ones are just suffocating. Sometimes I fall apart on my husband or my best friend, and that's okay. They love me and want me to be well.

If you find yourself in a time of healing, give yourself permission to heal. The world will be better because you are well. Any frantic attempt at moving on will only leave a pothole in your heart that might someday bust your transmission.