Remember where you've been

I have been really down lately about not having a church home. I've been through all sorts of phases since we left our church, but this recent time found me not really thinking about any particular thing...just sad.

I don't like being sad. It actually makes me a bit angry, so you can imagine I've been a joy to be around. I'm pretty good on the surface, but if you bump me--well, yuck. Then at some point last week (probably 4:13pm on Thursday), I remembered.

God values remembering. A lot of the psalms are just reminders of what history Israel has been through. Many times when he addresses individuals he begins with flicking their forehead and saying, "Remember da da da, o beloved moron?" Have you had that happen to you?

At 4:12, I thought, "I just need to think all of this through, settle in my mind what has happened." And at 4:13, God flicked me on the forehead and said, "Remember? Remember when you left your church home after 10 years, walking away from a women's class that you were leading, that you loved? What kind of 'understanding' did you find then? Remember?"

Ironically, until that thump on the head, I thought I had sorted that out. After all, I have so much peace about that time period in my life. But as it was happening? It was awful. I didn't know if we were doing the right thing, and people were certainly not applauding us. When we would tell someone our decision, we often got shocked expressions and a bit of distance. But after a year, things were better. After four years, they were amazing.

But I never "understood." There are parts of that scenario that were just painful, that I can't explain, and some of those parts taught me the most. I had to trust that God was guiding my family, that He would take care of us and prepare a good future for us. Which He did.

Psalm 131 says, "My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty. I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." Read it again...it's like a lullaby for your spirit.