This summer has been chaotic: adjusting to the kids being older and having more of their own ideas, trying new activities, Abby working more regularly, Johnny's family moving to town, my mom recovering from her chemo. Everything seems to be shifting. I used to be able to lay down and go to sleep. It was a matter of training, will power, and (as I have discovered) routine. Now that my routine is shot, my discipline is failing me. I have had several nights lately where I am awake in the wee hours, when nothing makes sense and demons come out of odd corners to mess with my mind. No wonder darkness descended during the final hours when Jesus hung on the cross. Darkness is the playground of the devil.
One of the things I find I am lacking is social time with peers. I need time with other moms to center myself: yes, it is okay to say no. Ah, someone likes being with me. Look, she laughed at something I said, instead of something I'm wearing. Today, I discovered something else about God. He truly is a provider of all things. This summer, my family has witnessed a lot of monetary provision. There have been times He has provided rest for me, or answers to issues with my kids. Today, He provided conversation. I was working at a friend's desk, making phone calls at church, and a woman wandered in, one of the secretaries in the office that I know. She asked me how I was and since I didn't sleep last night, I unloaded a bit. She made a point to sit down on the couch and listen to me, for fifteen minutes. It was just the fifteen minutes I needed.
I used to arrange time in my schedule to get together with friends (another loss in the summer chaos). What a lovely surprise to find that God knows about this need, and is able to meet it. It is rather lovely to receive from His hand, instead of my own efforts.
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