Indulgence

"When the Lord your God has enlarged your territory as he promised you, and you crave meat and say, 'I would like some meat,' then you may eat as much of it as you want." - Deuteronomy 12:20

I was so excited when I read this verse--God sanctions indulgence! Whoopee! Later on that day, I was driving to the hospital to see my mom, and I wanted to stop for a mocha. After all, I reasoned, I deserved as much expensive coffee this week as I wanted.

But even with a verse about indulgence running in the back of my head, my spirit was checked. Was this really the time for feasting? Has God brought me to a place where his promises are fulfilled? Actually, we are in a time of asking God for healing for Mom. We have not arrived; in fact, we are in the early stages of the journey, and the trail is not downhill.

I have practiced and wrestled with fasting for several years now, and recently God used Romans 12:1-2, a verse I have known a long time, to nudge me: "Offer your bodies as living sacrifices. . ." Fasting, for me, is a way to offer up my body to God--not an animal slain on an altar, but me, denying my appetite, to wait on him. On the way to the hospital, was it time to indulge, or time to fast?

God himself is my food. When I turn to him in prayer, he stills my heart. He is my peace, and while it is easy to seek all sorts of things to steady my soul, he is the only one who satisfies me. The coffee is not the point, nor is God a religious bandaid to slap on top of how I am feeling. He is my shelter, and when I run to him, I am safe.

Sometimes, Jesus and I even sit down to a cup of coffee together.