I Want to Blog Again

Oh, my, what a crazy last two years. I have worked outside my home. I have loved it. Now I'm back. Being a stay-at-home mom doesn't lend itself to community. Facebook and blogging and pinterest are our new back fence. Sometimes I listen to the radio because the dj is a voice, a conversation. Our world is odd, but it's not bad. I need to get my camera capable of uploading photos, and then I will kick off with seriousness. May your day be full of small, surprising blessings.

Prayer, two kinds

I have thought a lot about what Jesus said, that we could ask anything in His name and He would give it to us. This is one of those passages that people take issue with, because there are so many anecdotal rebuttals.

But this is the word of God: "I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name" (John 15:16). If Jesus said it, it can't be discounted. There are several passages like this that I label "too big to understand," place them at the throne of God, and mull over them until God chooses to give me insight.

Something dinged in my head the other day. Notice that Jesus said in John that we will produce fruit...and here is why grammar is important. What is the conjunction in that sentence? "So that" in the New Living translation. "Then" in the New International. I don't know Greek, but these two English translations use a connecting word that implies consequence. Not a strong link, but a somewhat loose, "well, once this happens, then this follows." What comes first? Fruit. What comes next? Ask whatever you want, and I will give it.

Whoa! What? Produce fruit and then have a powerful prayer life? Isn't this backwards? Don't we teach people that they should develop a powerful prayer life in order to produce fruit? This thinking was really messing with what I have been taught in church. So I asked God...how do we produce fruit, if we are not to pray that you do it and poof, you do?

If you go back a little in John 15, there is the answer: "Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit" (verse 5).

And I really need to summarize here, because I have to get to work. But think...there are two kinds of prayer here. The prayer that is cuddling up to your Daddy and learning about Him. Being with Jesus, just hanging out, to listen to Him and get to know Him more. That's abiding. If you abide, you bear fruit. And once you bear fruit, you are to the point where you can ask for anything in His name. First, I suppose you have to learn what His name represents, and then you will have the power to ask.

Hello

Wow, it has been a long time since I have blogged. And it is intimidating to think that I have to produce something stellar to post here. I thought instead I might communicate that I am still alive.

In January, I began working an interim position at my church. I am now the preschool minister, which is scary, intimidating, overwhelming, and the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. I love my job. Because it is so far outside of my comfort zone, I feel like I have been living in a foreign country.

I am starting to adjust. I think I might come back to something like myself again. Soon, I might even have something to say.

Thoughts on Fasting

Our church recently declared a fast for ten days before Good Friday. It is the first church-wide fast at The Church at BattleCreek that Johnny and I have not participated in, food-wise. Because I was swamped with Easter stuff, I begged Johnny to let us fast from media instead. I gave up Facebook, personal email, video & computer games, television, and the internet. Basically, I used media for work when I had to and allowed myself music. My reasoning was that if we were to use the "extra time" from fasting for prayer & meditation, then giving up media would create time for me. Participating in the Daniel fast would not.

Fasting is always a big task at our house. If we are going to change our food habits, it makes more work for me: groceries, planning, etc. Good food is one of the things that gets sacrificed quickly when we are busy, and as busy as I was in March, I wanted the freedom to order pizza and stop at McDonald's. There was no way that I would have time "otherwise devoted to eating" on a Daniel fast. I'd have to figure out how to get enough calories in us to not faint using fruits and veggies. Granted, I've done it before, but there is a cost.

Here's what I discovered: I missed out. Johnny and I almost instincitively ate less during the fast. It was almost funny. I even found myself not stopping at Starbucks, not choosing the trail mix with chocolate, etc. because the fast was going on. I can live without media, and it was good for me to make that stand during the Daniel fast; it has given me some freedom & reestablished some priorities.

But that's just the point...I can live without media. I can't live without food. A fast takes away from me something that I actually do need to physically survive. I take issue with the notion that we are freeing up time to pray. The discipline of fasting is really just denying yourself food. And I think that fasting shares something with the tithe: there are no baby steps. You can't give 3% and work up to 10%. Fasting from media is not fasting. It was good and fine, but it is not the same discipline. In giving up food, you declare to God and the spiritual world, "My Lord is more to me than food." If He is only more to me than television, then my God is too small.

For His own reasons, God has endowed power in that very act. It is not because we spend more time in prayer that fasting is powerful; fasting is powerful because we fast. Fasting, like tithing, is one simple thing. There are no baby steps to get there; you either do it or you don't. And like prayer, another spiritual discipline, we don't necessarily understand why. Why tell God, who knows everything, what you need or that He is great? Because it changes us. So why give up food just to declare God is important to you? Because the act of doing it changes us.

Looking back, I still don't know if I could have participated in the Daniel fast and done the work to get the Preschool Ministry ready for Easter. But I know that in the future, if I am faced with a similar choice, I will try to find some way to fast--to give up food--because my God is worthy of my sacrifice.

The depth of patience

When we were skiing at Sipapu Resort in New Mexico, I decided to take my middle daughter to Lift 3. My husband had told me that this was a poma lift, and that she couldn't ride the poma lift, but for some reason I simply ignored this tidbit. After all, if she didn't like it, we'd just ski down the mountain and keep taking Lift 1. We reached the bottom of Lift 3, and she dutifully tried the poma, but fell off after about 20 feet. Repeat three times. No problem, I think...we'll ski to the bottom of the mountain. However, the lift operator informed me that unless we rode the poma up, there was no way to access the rest of the mountain without hiking up the trail we had skiied down to get there.

Poor daughter of mine! She is a very new skiier, and I had just landed her in a tortuous position. We could have stayed at Lift 1 and had a fantastic afternoon, but now we were stuck. She became very frustrated and very difficult. Early in this crisis, I thought about how life is full of obstacles. Some you make yourself; some life deals you. Life is about overcoming these obstacles, and fun is what we have when there is no current obstacle.

So I set aside fun for the moment on our trip and worked on the obstacle of getting away from Lift 3. I wasn't sure we could do it without Ski Patrol and a snow mobile. I did not, in myself, have the patience to deal with my daughter and her frustration. At that point, however, I found that God did. I experienced the most remarkable, deep patience that I have ever felt. She threw herself down in the snow; I waited. She insisted on side-stepping up the mountain; I waited. She yelled at me; I waited. I cannot describe how filled I was with the patience of God. I know it did not come from me. Galatians 5 says that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. When He fills you, these traits are apparent. Early in this trial, I could feel something inside of me that was clearly beyond myself. I knew it the obstacle would stretch out in front of me, and I was glad. It was amazing to feel patience and peace so completely that I almost wanted it to keep going, just to experience the depth of God's presence. Perhaps for the sake of my daughter, the ordeal only lasted two hours.

In that time, I simply meditated on His goodness towards me, in all my difficult moments of life. He patiently deals with me as I learn to overcome the obstacles in front of me. He is not like me; He is patient and He is good.

Do Not Arouse or Awaken Love

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." - Song of Solomon

This refrain appears throughout the love poem of Songs in Scripture, a poem that is sometimes erotic and always full of passion. I have never quite understood what it meant...but now I am raising teenage daughters.

In our culture, girls begin to grow into womanhood, and we tell them to wait for love until they are done with school, until they have started a career, until they have explored and had adventures. People would be appalled at a girl who married at the age of fifteen.

Yet at the same time, we awaken desire in her. We dress her in suggestive clothing, surround her with suggestive images, and fill her soul with music that awakens desire. The church is not immune from the culture we live in.

I don't know the answer, but I am engaged in the struggle. I have watched many young adult women derailed by passions not expressed in the safety of marriage, and all I know to do is ask my Father to throw His protective cloak over my girls. Now this verse makes sense to me, and I chorus with the women of Song of Solomon, do not awaken love until it so desires, in the lives of my precious daughters.

Nativity

This year, at my daughters' choir concert, I watched little 6-year-olds march into the church in their adorable sheep and shepherd outfits. Three teenagers carried in gifts, wearing splendid robes, like choir boys carrying the sacred items to the altar.

We know that celebrations of the nativity like this are not meant to be representations of the actual event. I started wondering...what would an American equivalent be? Joseph and Mary, good, church-attending kids, who got pregnant out of wedlock. Heads shake, because although we hope they do better, we know that so often church kids look just like the world. They drive an Aerostar, handed down in the family, to Kansas City, because Joseph hears they are hiring there, and he desperately needs a job. They don't have enough money for a hotel, and they are run out of several parking lots for vagrancy. One shop owner, locking up for the night, tells them to park behind his rental house, which hasn't been leased yet. He can't let them stay in the house, but they can sleep in their van in the driveway without fear of being run off.

In that van, in that borrowed driveway, Mary gives birth to the Savior of the world, whose head is cone-shaped, and he snorts a lot. We don't know His apgar score; they clean Him up as best they can and wrap Him in a blanket that Joseph's mom had bought for them, a beautiful new one, blue because Mary was just "sure" it would be a boy. The Savior, helpless in their arms. He's too tired to nurse, so they cuddle up as best as they can to try to sleep.

In a bar not too many streets over, some Hispanic landscape workers have stopped to have a beer before heading home. They are laughing and telling stories, the only people there except the owner and a waitress, when suddenly a brilliant light appears from the wall. A form appears in the light and speaks to them: do not be afraid, there is good news. The angel gives them an address, tells them they will find a baby newly born in an Aerostar van, and then suddenly the inside of the bar is bathed in light and angels everywhere, on every wall, across the ceiling, as if the roof has been lifted off and transported them all to heaven, giving glory to God Almighty...and then it stops. It's just a bar again. The men are stunned. They leave their drinks, their expensive equipment and run the few blocks to the place where the angels told them they would find a child. Sure enough! The beautiful blue blanket, the tiny, impoverished family, somehow just like them. The men marvel at the angel's accurate words. What a visitation! What could this mean! They tell everyone they meet, but no one understands it. The media won't even pick up the story, because it's just a group of Hispanics with a wild tale (from a bar, no less). The owner of the bar buys a picture of an angel to hang on the wall; they will never forget this night in this one run-down watering hole. This is the first place Jesus is exalted, God's choice of a church service.

Joseph does find work as a welder (his trade), and they rent a small house, and the baby grows. Mary gets a job at a fabric shop and Jesus stays with a woman next door who takes in a few neighbor kids. She's not registered with DHS, but they trust her, and she is very fond of their child. One day when Mary stops to pick up Jesus after getting off work, she finds three men in business suits talking with Jesus' caretaker. They were wanting to know if this was indeed Jesus BarJoseph, born on such and such date. Mary is puzzled and a little hesitant to answer their questions, but God somehow eases her heart, that it is safe to say yes. They have been searching for this child. The white-haired man who seems to be in charge introduces himself as Warren Buffett. Mary does not know who he is, but he says that he has been waiting for this child, and he would like to be a silent benefactor. He has set up a trust fund for the child, to provide private schooling, an allowance for necessary living expenses, and a college education. He would like to finance any venture that the child chooses when He is grown...could they sit and talk? Mr. Buffett has brought his lawyer and accountant. He assures Mary that he wants nothing in return; it is a blessing simply to silently provide what he can. Mary marvels at this. She remembers the immigrant workers who came when Jesus was born, and she stores these things in her heart. Her son will now be able to go to a good school, have decent clothes. How good of God to provide, even before the child is in preschool.

Because Mary and Joseph are not wealthy, the neighborhood where they live is a little rough. They are sometimes harassed for being Middle Eastern. When Jesus is about two, a very bad character begins asserting influence. He is an Asian gang member, recently moved to Kansas City from Los Angeles, and he has some ideas about what should be happening in their corner of the world. As his influence grows, their neighborhood becomes very frightening, and they often find themselves under attack by this new gang. One night, warned in a dream, Joseph is instructed to take their son and flee to Arkansas...

Wouldn't it be fun to set up a nativity with a tiny model Aeorstar, three figures stuffed inside, Hispanic workers running towards it, sometimes modeled with a weedeater in hand, to show their trade. A figure of Warren Buffet and two other men in suits standing to the side, with briefcases. Our version has a limo that these businessmen arrived in, and there is a stray dog cocking his head and looking in the van, curious like everyone else.

Merry Christmas.